A little stressed

So again I just need to get things off of my chest.  Les and I moved Maryland because Heavenly Father told us this was a good place for us to be and that it would be good for our family.  It is something I have gone back to time and again and still feel that assurance that it is right.  Just because something feels right does not mean that it will fall into place without you lifting a finger.  In fact, it is more likely that it is something that you will have to fight for and find a way to make it happen.  Les moved here with little more than an email for the promise of a job.  The day before he was to start he was sent an email with the information he would need to get into the building and prove that he does have a job there.  Not exactly the most professional way for it to happen but we took that leap of faith.  Since being here we have had to fight to get medical for our children and many other things.  Despite all that we have had to do and experienced here I still feel good about coming.

Now like I said before just because something is right doesn't make it easy.  So here comes the getting of things off my chest part.  For the last few weeks we have been intruded upon by people coming to see the house now that it is back on the market.  I have not really enjoyed it and neither have the kids.  However, people coming to see it meant they didn't have a buyer and that meant we had more time for our contract to come through.  We had even heard that the bank for our contract would make its decision about us at latest by this friday (which now they are saying at latest it will be next friday - we will see how many times they can tell us that).  Then last night we got the worst news ever.  This house is going under contract today.  We have officially been given our walking papers.  We have to be out of this house by March 29th.  We have no idea what we will do between that day and the day we can move into our house (if we are approved).  So in other words we are living in stress city.  Les has been comtemplating all sorts of ideas.  Everything from living in a hotel room to flying the kids and I back to Utah to live with family until we know one way or the other if we are even going to stay in Maryland.  None of these options are very attractive from my point of view.  Although, any plan that keeps my family together (as I get nearer to delivery) is preferrable over any other at this point. 

Not that all of that isn't enough for one little family but there is more.  We have been denied for food stamps so we have to be careful about what we buy and how much we are willing to spend on things.  Les will begin working one weekend a month starting the 11th of March (we had already planned to have the girls' birthday party the 17th which just so happens to be the first weekend he "gets" to work).  While highly enjoyable we also have the stress of three birthdays in March.  We are trying very hard not to let the girls know just how stressed out we are.  That along with not letting them know we are financially unsure how we are going to afford even one party for them.  After all, I'm about to have a little boy that I have maybe a handful of clothing for.  I have this desire deep inside to make sure things are all taken care of for him before he comes.  However, I feel that I will fail since we really don't have the money to get all that he will need.  Worse case: I dress him in all the girl clothes I have.  I know, he will not care, for now.  When he looks back at pictures of himself as a baby I am certain he is not going to be happy I dressed him in pink.  But hey at least he will be protected from the cold right?  Somehow this does not make me feel better.  Strange how that works isn't it?  I finally got Les to buckle down and buy a carseat so we will at least be able to bring him home.  In the move I got rid of the other one we had so that we wouldn't have to pay for it to be moved too.  Little did either of us realize how expensive things were out here.

Now just so you understand I'm not looking for anyone to solve my problems.  Like I said before I am just getting things off my chest.  That simply means that I am telling my story and letting out my feelings so that I feel better.  I do feel a bit better already.  Still stressed.  Still a little worried about the future.  We still know that Heavenly Father led us here and that he will continue to lead us.  Not the easiest thing path to take but always worth it in the end.  That is what I hang on to.  That is what has and will get me through every single day.