The gift of love (in blood form)

Well, Samantha is recovering well from a recent blood transfusion. She is still up and down on her blood pressure and her color changes from a pale to deep red (when she cries or is mad) all day long, but they have said that even though her xrays don't show it, her lungs do sound a bit more clear.

When the doctor came in and explained to us that Sammi would need a transfusion, both Melanie and I were a little concerned. It's not everyday that you're little girl gets extremely ill let alone also needs more blood. However, it got me to thinking. I used to donate blood on a regular 3 month basis while I was in the military, and when I got out I would donate about every 6 months, whenever the stake, ward, or community would do a blood drive. But, what an amazing way to help.

I remember in a previous stake that we had a member who was suffering from a particular nasty illness and needed to have a bone marrow transplant. I've also known others who because of accidents needed to have blood. Just about everyone who knows us has offered to help in any way that can, and at this point for Sammi, she just needs our prayers. With time she should recover fully. But there are a lot of children here at PCMC. Many of which have very differing illnesses and injuries. We're located next to University hospital and several others that also have many patients needing similar help.

Well, I've found a way that maybe we can all help out. Next time you have an opportunity to donate blood, do so. If you're a brave soul you can even get on the BMT (Bone Marrow Transplant) list. From what I've read your blood has a shelf life of around 40 days or so. This means that it needs a constant replenishment. I haven't heard of any of the hospitals in the area actually hitting that date and therefore having to throw it out, but I have heard them say their supplies are low. Melanie and I have decided that someone else helped our Sammi with a blood donation and we feel like we should pass that help along by donating ourselves. I hope you'll be able to find the time and courage to donate yourself. (We'll be using ARUP (rather than Red Cross) for PCMC, they also run out to the Basin a lot)

Day 7 Endure to the end

With day number seven now upon us since Samantha first entered the hospital, we have once again received the same information that we have every day since she stabilized. She isn't getting worse. As great as that news is, we keep waiting for that day when they say, she's improving!

There are certain things in this life that we cannot change. The wind, the sun, the moon and stars, but even things like a pregnancy needing 9months for proper growth, or our Spring semester lasting for another 3 weeks. Our little Sammi just needs more time with her ailments.

We're very grateful for all of the prayers said in her behalf and the support that has been offered. Please continue to pray for her. We will keep everyone updated as things change, well when they change.

The power of touch

Yeah, I know it sounds a little odd, but really, is there a power in touch? As a teen one of the only things on the mind is that first kiss, the holding of hands, an embrace. As a parent, the hugs and kisses of your children and grand children are so precious to you. And the Bear hugs from little ones are priceless.

But, what about with younger children? I know when child is crying or upset they love to have their mommy or daddy hold them close; To kiss their ow wees or boo boos and tell them it's all going to be better. An infant and newborn love to be snuggled. Remember the times when your little child woke up in the night and just wouldn't calm down? All you would do is hold them in your arms and rock with them. Sing them a lullaby and let them know they were safe.

There was an experiment done many years ago to evaluate whether love was really needed for survival in mammals. They took two chimps, one was raised with a metal structure that had a bottle for food, and the other was covered with fur and kept warm to simulate mother also with milk. The chimp that had what simulated mother lived quite well, there were some problems with not being able to interact with 'mother', but he grew up healthy. The other chimp with only a cold metal case holding a bottle got ill and eventually died. There are arguments about whether the simulated mother was really a factor or if some underlying reason prevails. But I wonder.

Friday morning, as Celia says (the one from golden girls, not grandma) Picture it! It was a Friday morning in Logan Utah. Mother was running around frantically as she needed to get her newborn to the ER. The newborn, at least while she was breathing, was screaming her head off and full of fear. Mother grabbed the baby and cuddled her close. Minutes passed and she was as calm as spring morning on a beautiful San Diego beach. Hours later in the ER at Logan Regional the newborn was being poked and prodded more so than a pin cushion. Enter dad. He picked up newborn and held her close to her chest, reassured her that everything would be alright, she calmed and allowed the medical staff to finish their tests.

The newborn showed signs of improvement and mom and dad were hopeful, but that night she was kept more isolated for treatments. Saturday morning newborn was put through more and more tests. Mom and Dad weren't able to hold her and comfort her through all of them, but when they did she calmed down as if nothing were wrong. Saturday night being prepared for a Life Flight that could mean the difference between life and death for her, daddy held her for nearly an hour as the medical crew prepared her for her long journey. Every time he set her down, she began to shiver and cry with fear.

What do you do when you can no longer hold your own flesh and blood within your arms? Sammi has been in an incubator or respirator status since Saturday night. Melanie hasn't been able to hold her baby for four days! She sees other mothers who's babies are improving hold them, snuggle with them and tell them that it's all going to be better now. But not for Melanie. She looks at Sammi with love in her eyes and pain in her soul as Sammi tries to cry and tries to move, but all she can do is whisper to her that it's o.k. Mommy and Daddy are here, and stroke her head. Sammi has too many tubes and wires in her to even hold her hand.

We keep saying that stable is better than nothing, which it is, but to see your child grow up without you there to hold their hand, snuggle with them, to kiss them better or truly reassure them that everything IS going to be alright, is a very painful experience. I wonder if in her half drugged state she truly realizes that we are here for her. We can't leave her, something inside us won't let us. We're here to let her know that at anytime when she wakes and is in pain that mommy and daddy are here for her, to stroke her head, give fathers and priesthood blessings, and let her know that: Everything IS going to be Alright!

When things go from Terrible to your worst nightmare

For those of you who haven't heard, Samantha was taken by Life Flight Saturday night to Primary Children's Medical Center. She is stable, but hasn't had any improvement.

It's been one of the most stressful and trying times of our lives to have our precious newborn go through such a traumatic event. One day you hold your child in your arms and laugh and smile as she smiles and coos, and then the next day she stops breathing, the next day her lung collapses, and you just don't know what will happen next.

It's not even a roller coaster. There are no ups, just downs, just terrifying news in a steady flow. It seems that there is no end, no brightness, no joy. We see our daughter, asleep, with constant medication, with constant need for observation. We're so grateful for the calls and prayers that everyone has offered. We're grateful for the excellent medical care Sammi received at Logan Regional and for her being at Primary Children's now, where we know she'll get the best care possible.

We've never been known for our great fortune with luck, but we've always known others that have had it worse. This time isn't quite the exception yet either. We walk the hall to get to Sammi and there are so many little infants, toddlers, and newborns in similar situations that it really helps to empathize with the struggles that other families are going through.

The worst nightmare isn't an endpoint, but rather a journey, it's a journey of not knowing what is wrong, not knowing how to fix it, and not knowing what is in store for the future. It's a downward spiral that fortunately for us has slowed, at least for now, but we are optimistic that with prayers and excellent medical attention, our little Sammi will recover fully and be able to once again lay in our arms and smile and coo and cause us to rejoice in our love for her.