Just keep going

To update:  I have another doctor and I took the glucose test again.  I failed.  A week later I took the three hour glucose test.  I got the results a few days ago.   I passed but just barely.  I do not have gestational diabetes.  I do have a sluggish metabolism.  I have been ordered to stay away from sugar for the time being.  For any of you who knows my husband that is easier said than done.  I have been experiment with ways to consume food without all the sugar or things that break down into those same sugars.  That may be the hardest part.  Almost everything has one sort of carbohydrates or another.  I am relatively safe with proteins and fats.  However, meats aren't all that big on my list when pregnant.  Don't get me started on fats.  I thought I would be safe with vegetables.  Apparently not.  They have substantially less but they still have them.  I can eat three servings of vegetables to every one serving of fruits, dairy, or grains.  The grains are the hardest to stay away from.  Breads, pasta, crackers etc. are some of my main foods while pregnant.  They are simple, fast, and filling.   I have struggled with this and it has only been a few days.   I am trying to learn to substitute crackers and breads as a snack with nuts.  I love nuts but I can see that I could easily overdo it and come to hate the sight of them. 
So that is life for me for now.  I just have to keep telling myself that I will do anything to keep this baby happy and healthy for the next two months.  I know two months is nothing when it comes to the big picture.  Even in pregnancy two months is nothing.  Except for the last two months.  Every pregnancy I've had the last two months seem to drag.  When I got the results and realized I had to slightly modify my eating habits for the next two months I wanted to cry.  Wanted to cry because two months seems like forever away and cry with relief that I do not yet have to do this for the rest of my life.  More incentive to up my exercising (as if I needed more) routine when this baby is here.  Okay, as soon as I can after the baby is here.
I have always been able to feel empathy for situations others have been in.  Here is Heavenly Father giving me one more chance to improve upon it some more.  I know we are each given trials for a reason.  I just pray that I will learn my lesson before this situation becomes something more.

Is life conspiring against me?

I'm not sure where to start.  I just know I need to get things out before I explode.  Since I am pregnant that would not be my preferred result.   Let me see if I can get this all down without it being a rambling mess. 
1 - I thought life would be easier with one dog.  In some ways it is.  We go through less food and there is less number two to clean up in the yard.  Also, the kids have been better about making sure that they give the dog attention.  However, the other dogs helped in the entertainment department a whole lot better.  Within the first week of our becoming a one dog family we learned something rather disturbing about our dog.  She is a klepto.  She will grab onto something and haul it off outside to chew it to death.  How did we find out?  That is a rather interesting story.  We had some friends over for dinner.  Afterward we cleared the table to play games.  At one point the baby woke up and our friend started looking around to find a pacifier.  She couldn't find it.  We helped her look but it was still missing in action.  So rather than delaying for a little while the baby demanded to be fed.  When the feeding was over again the mother was looking around but this time for the burp cloth.  We all looked but could not find it.  So she used the blanket instead.  Then she laid the baby out on the blanket on the table so she could watch over and play with her while we played a game.  At one point she noticed that the baby started to slide off the table.  Our dog had taken hold of the blanket and pulled.  I got her to let go and I ushered her to the dog door.  As I was trying to lock the dog door I noticed a fabric like object on the deck.  I stepped outside and there on the deck was the burp cloth.  I took it in, gave it back, turned on our yard light and headed back our to see if the binky was out there.  I still haven't found it but I did find her nursing cover.  So I have literally become a babysitter to our dog.  If she isn't outside, locked in her kennel, or with someone else I basically have to watch over her to keep her in line.  It is exhausting.  It has helped to have the dog door taken out so she can't just escape into the yard with anything.
2 - March is our big month for birthdays.  Three of our four (and soon to be five) kids have birthdays this month.  Les and I sat down over a month ago and determined which weekend would work best for us to have our annual combined birthday party.  The date was set and the theme determined.  Knowing that our finances are on the tight side I decide I was going to hand make as much of the party stuff as I could.  I immediately went to work making the invitations.  I had to work out a few kinks like how do I print it off so that the inside looks the way it should (you know not upside down).  I made photo frames for each guest to have a picture of them taken with a birthday girl.  Oh and saying that reminds me that I forgot to say that we decided to have two parties.  One friend party where they got to invite four friends each and then a family party.  After all the family drama (that put on more stress for sure) maybe we can stick with just a friends party next year.  On top of all that I planned the menus for both parties and prepared as much of it as I could.  The friend party consisted of games, watching a strawberry shortcake movie, and a tea party with finger sandwiches, fruit, and cherry 7- up.  Oh and let's not forget cupcakes!   The family party was supposed to be simpler.  More fruit, salads, and everything else that goes with BBQ.  I learned how to make Italian Sponge cake to make Strawberry Shortcake. 
3 - I got the flu.  On Sunday my back and bum were starting to hurt.  I had a hard time sitting through church.  Shortly after starting dinner I felt really off.  I leaned over to Les and told him I was either going to throw up or pass out.  He ordered me to lay down.  Within a hour I had full body chills.  That is when I knew I was in trouble.  The body aches got worse.  They were to the point that I was uncomfortable no matter what position I was in.  Les set up a bed for me in front of our fireplace.  All night I moved and moved and moved some more.  I hurt so bad that by 3 in the morning I gave up trying to sleep.  I just tried to endure the night.  I still had to get up in the morning and take Sammi to school.  I was so tired and I hurt so much.  I'm sure my family cringed everyone they had to cross my path.  Finally, Les was able to take over and I soaked in a hot tub.  Oh it felt wonderful to have most of the pain melt away even if temporarily.  The pain was relieved enough that the Tylenol was finally able to do something.  After the soak I laid in bed willing myself to sleep.  If only it had worked.   At that point I was too tired to sleep.  So that instead I tried to rest.  Rest my body, rest my mind, rest my eyes. It would have worked better if not for all the people calling about scouting concerns.  I felt much better by the time I got out of bed.  Tired but not as hurt.  I made it through the day and collapsed into my bed that night.  Sleep finally came.  It wasn't the best quality sleep but it was better than nothing.  Here is to a speedy recovery.
4 - This is the straw that broke the camel's back.  Last week I failed my initial glucose test.  I went in this morning to start the three hour test.  Everything seemed to be going well. I hurried in to have my blood drawn and drink more of the drink an hour later.  They told me I was too late.  Apparently, their clock and my clock are off by ten minutes.  I was told I would have to come back another day and start from scratch.  I had been under so much stress that I walked out of there vowing I would not come back to do the test.  I called Les and cried like a baby.  I told him what had happened and that I wasn't going to do the test at all.  He tried calling the Dr and left messages.  The Dr ended up calling me and told me either I do the test or I find another Dr.  How compassionate!  So now Les and I are comptemplating getting a new doctor.  I think had he been the least bit concerned about my feelings as opposed to his concern over his feeling I might have been persuaded to go back for the test and keep him as a Dr.   For now there is no way on earth I could be persuaded to go back to him.  Les and I are going to find a new Dr for me and the little guy inside.  I feel so bad for my baby.  With everything that has been going on I have put him through too much.  He has been affected by all the stress I've felt.  He has been affected by the flu I have.  I say enough is enough.  I'm not going to do it anymore.
I must say I feel a lot better after getting that off my chest.

Half way there!

So I am 20 weeks along.  Well actually as of tomorrow I will be 21 weeks.  It is amazing to think I am so far along.  In fact, I had a lady at church who found out at our ward christmas party and she told me she couldn't tell that I was pregnant.  My thoughts were so I just look fat huh?  Good to know.  The next day at church she came over and told me that she could tell now and that it must be dependant on what I wear.  I'll admit that I am no where as big as I thought I would be at this point.  I shouldn't be so surprised.  I have carried all of my babies in toward my back.  Good news I don't look so front heavy that I could fall over at any second.  Bad news that gives the baby great access to my spine, stomach, lungs, and bladder.  Also, when I have trouble getting up I get these looks from people that clearly say, "Exercise! Then it won't be so hard for you to sit up." 
So I had thought about doing the weekly profile shots that others have done.  I really don't think I am much bigger than I was the last time I took a picture.  So there really isn't a point to the weekly ones.  I may do monthly ones though.  We will see if Les is willing to play photographer for me.  He really is a good sport when it comes to things he thinks will make me happy.  How could I ask for anything more?  I have a great man who loves to make me happy.  I am so blessed.  I know I went off on a tangent but he is such a good father to our kids.  When I run out of patience he steps and is ever so patient with the kids. 
Les is so excited about having another baby.  We are going to find out what we will be having.  I wondered if it mattered to him what we end up having.  He told me that he would of course love to have a boy.  On the other hand it would be so much easier to have a girl what with all the girls stuff scattered all over the place.  In either case this baby will be loved.  I couldn't agree more.
The other morning I rolled onto my back and partly removed my blanket.  I am use to the sight of my belly sticking up into the air.  So of course, I was confused when on this morning it wasn't.  I felt my tummy thinking that my eyes were deceiving me.  They weren't.  I felt around some more and there off to one side was this lump.  There was my little baby curled up into a ball snuggled almost literally into my side.  It was the cutest little lump ever.  I had slept so long on the one side that the baby followed gravity down to be wedged between the bed and I.  I gently massaged the lump until it was slowly swallowed up in the mass of the rest of my abdomen.  I love this evidence of the precious little life that is growing inside of me. 
So I need to tell of a few cute things the girls have said lately.  On December 3rd we had our ward Christmas party.  Emma sang a song with the rest of the primary as part of the program.  She was so nervous.  Then after the program we lined up to go to the Primary room to see "Santa."  My kids have little to no experience with Santa.  They do know who he is but I wasn't thinking so I didn't prepare them for "the" question.  Samantha went first.  When asked what she wanted for Christmas she said, "Jesus . . . to come for his birthday party."  Oh my little love.  I was prepared for her to be shy and not answer him at all.  Instead, I was in awe of her. 
On Sunday night we went to the bishop's home for family home evening.  He was calling Emma "Bacon."  Emma of course was thrilled and laughed hysterically each time.  Khloe on the other hand would yell back at him, "She not bacon.  Her Emma.  Bacon at home."  We still aren't sure what she meant by bacon at home but is sure was cute that she was trying to stick up for Emma.  I could tell that she was a little disturbed by the whole matter so I told her that Emma liked it and that the bishop was just teasing Emma.  She seemed to calm down over the whole thing after that.
Emma will often come whisper things in my ear.  At the end she tells me not to tell daddy cause it is a secret.  Yesterday, Emma came into my room early and crawled into bed with me.  After a while she whispered into my ear, "Mom I have a secret.  Don't let Daddy know that I am a Mommy's girl."  She knows how to melt my heart that is for sure.  Don't let her know but it hasn't been much of a secret for a while.
Last night we headed to the store as a family to pick up ingredients for some cookies I am making for a RS meeting.  While we were in the car Emma pipes up and starts talking about how she stayed at Aunt Jana's when I had gotten on an airplane (she was referring to the time I flew out here and looked at houses with Les).  Then she reminded me of how we stayed at Aunt Jana's again after we left Logan (before we flew across country to live with Les).  Finally she got around to her point and told us she wished she could stay the night at Aunt Jana's again.  I of course was feeling guilty that I couldn't give her what she wanted.  Les was a few steps ahead of me.  He told Emma that if she earned $500 we would stick her on a plane and she could have her sleepover.  Then he amended it with, "Better make that $550 so that you can pay tithing on it too."  Emma commented, "We sure do pay a lot of tithing." (Background: every few weeks Les sits the girls down to go over what they owe in tithing.  Then he asks if they would like to donate any money to any of the other church programs.  They usually donate to the Temple and the Book of Mormon.)  So Les asked her what tithing is for.  She thought about it for a little bit and then she said, "It is to buy Temples.  I bought one before cause I pay tithing."  I love how her mind works.  It makes me laugh everytime.  After posting it on facebook a friend asked us what temple we had bought and which one was next.  Les replied with, "The Brigham City Temple and we are hoping for a southern Maryland Temple."
I love my little family.

Emma vs. The Potty

For those of you who I haven't discussed this with here in the news. Several months ago we set a goal for Emma with her Early Head Start Educator to introduce her to The Potty and work on getting her comfortable with it. Much to our amazement she liked it immediately. She loves to sit on it but more so she likes toilet paper and getting to wash her hands afterward. She likes it so much that she will tell me, "pee" and then run to her potty. I have been told that is a good sign that she is ready to start actual potty training. Then there was Christmas Eve . . . Emma had asked to sit on the potty (we were at my parents house and didn't have her potty so we used a portable toilet seat adapter - makes the whole small enough that little bums don't fall in). After she sat there for a minute she started to wine and try to get down. To me it looked like she was struggling to hold something in so I didn't let her down. A couple of minutes later she finally did go number one into the toilet! I was so proud of her and I let her know it. However, she acted like she had done something wrong. So a while after that she wouldn't ask to go onto the potty. She has been warming up to it again over the last couple of weeks. Then yesterday morning Les brought her into to sit on it while I was showering. They sat there for a few minutes and then Emma got off and what did we see . . . Emma had gone number one! We were so excited and we let Emma know she had done a great job. She didn't ask to sit on the potty again due to running around town and me needing to be in class. Then that evening she asked again. Shortly after putting her onto the potty she started to squirm and tried to get off. Les told her to stay there until he could get her a diaper to put her in. When he got back he lifted her off and once again we were surprised by what we saw. Emma went number two! I know this isn't the greatest topic but I am so proud of her. I hope that I can convey that to her so that she realizes that she is doing a good thing. The one problem we are running into with this recent developement is that we were planning to do some hard core potty training over spring break (which isn't until March) when we would be able to stay home day after day while she ran around in underware. Now she has moved the time table up. So we will see how things go from here.

Other semi related news . . .
I finally got into a Chiropractor! Hopefully the pain I have been experiencing will start to be alleviated. It is nice to know what is going on and how I can help it get better while I am at home. The only problem is that he wants to see me 3 times a week for 4 weeks. The only thing wrong with it is that he is only open on Mon, Wed, and Fri. I can do Wed and Fri because Les will be able to take Emma while I am there. On mondays though he is either working as a Engineering Ambassidor or in class from 8:30 to 4:30. I am not sure what I will do yet but we will try to work it out.
We have started to work out plans for Emma's birthday. I know it is still 2 months away but there are some obsticles to work around. I am due 4 days after her birthday. I want to be there for it so I want to move her party earlier in the month. The other obsticle is that Les will spend 3 days in California for a Conference for his research starting on the 19th of March. When he returns he will be attending another Conference in Salt lake for another 3 days. Which means not only will be be gone for 6 days straight but he will also be gone for Emma's birthday. So we have been thinking this through very carefully. We will let you know what is going on as soon as we figure it out.
With Les in school, working, and going to Conferences we (mostly me) have been worried about when I will go into labor. Since I spend most of the my day with Emma I have the Jeep. Know that I have wondered how I am supposed to drive myself to get Les so we can go to the hospital while I am in labor. I just don't think it will work. My sister-in-law Jana told be that starting the week before I am due she will be calling me every couple of hours to check on me. When I told her all the scenerios that were going through my head she told me that if I am home when I start that all I need to do is call her and she will come get us. She will drive me to the hospital and if Les hasn't already gotten on a bus she would probably go get him. I asked Les if he would come back from California early if I went into labor while he was there. He told that of course he would. He is so good to me.
Last bit of news we have finally been approved for housing assistance. As of the first of Feb. all but $19 of our rent will be paid. We are so excited! We have been on the waiting list for a year. Of course when we first applied we were still in the Townhouse which was more in rent and we hadn't even thought of applying to get in here yet. Our lives have changed so much in the last year. And to think we have only been here in Logan for a year and a half. Seems like longer than that. After many trials and challenges Heavenly Father is rewarding us for our faith. Thank you so very much.

So I guess I'm a Blackwidow

That is what Les called me after we went to the hospital to get an ultrasound. No it does not mean that I have planned or even would plan to devour my mate. I'll come back to what he means later.
I absolutely love any sign that my child is growing and healthy. On Wednesday Les went with me to my Dr. appointment. I relished the look that came to his face when he heard the baby's heart beat. It lets me know that this loving man loves this baby as much as I do.
Today I was so excited not only for myself but also for Les and Emma to see the baby. Especially for Emma. Lately she has noticed that my tummy has gotten bigger. One day I noticed her staring at it. I told her that there was a baby in there. She looked a little confused but still accepting. She then gave the "baby" a kiss. Let me tell you it sent this incredible warmth coursing through my body. I have worried about Emma being overly jealous and even mean to the new baby. Especially when she realizes this new baby gets some of her attention from Mommy and Daddy. Her sweet little kiss showed me that there may still be some trouble but it won't be as bad as I had imagined. I want to give Emma every opportunity to see the baby and anything else that will help her come to terms with this change that is coming. That was why it was so important that she be there for the ultrasound. I wanted her to see her new sibling and start her toward being prepared for the future.
She was totally in to the pictures on the screen. I don't think she really knew what was going on.

Now for the exciting news . . .

I don't know if I should tell what I know.

Then again I am so excited to tell someone . . .

We are having a . . . .

GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

So back to the blackwidow thing. After finding out we are having another girl he told me that I must kill off all the boys. Thus I am a blackwidow. If that is the case then maybe he should be a little worried. But for now we are just excited to get to know our precious new girl.

Surprise! (for those I haven't told yet)

I am not one of those that can come up with cute ways to tell news. I can appreciate what others come up with though. So that said I'll just come out and say it. I am pregnant again! I am 14 weeks along. I started suspecting that I was around the end of July. So a week or so later Les took me to get a test done. It confirmed my suspicions that I was 5 weeks pregnant. Let me tell you it was so hard to keep this a secret for so long. For those who know how my last pregnancy went you know why (sorry Jana for throwing up in your van on the way to Bear Lake). For those that don't: morning sickness doesn't even begin to cover it. I was sick almost the entire 9 months with Emma. In the beginning it is definately about the morning sickness. Later it had a lot to do with motion sickness. I couldn't get in a car with out getting nauseous and that was before it started to move. Les loves to tell my horror stories of pregnancy to guys who have just gotten married and most especially to those who's first child is on the way.
Today I went to my first Dr. appiontment with my new OB. He said everything looks good. I got to hear the baby's heart beat. I know I have experienced this before but there is just something about hearing evidence that the baby growing inside of you is strong and healthy. It could just be the hormones but it brings tears to my eyes every time.
Emma went with me. She thought we were there for her. Next time she will have to stay with someone else while I go. I can't handle having her screaming at the doctor everytime he gets too close to me. It is nice to know that she cares though.
Next month when I go I get to set an appointment to get an ultrasound. I can't wait to see what I am having. It doesn't matter what I get but at least I'll be able to prepare. I just haven't decided yet whether or not I will share the news with anyone. We will have to wait and see.