2011 Gratitude #30

I am sad that November is coming to a close.  It has been good for me (how about you?) to find things that mean so much to me.  Things that I am grateful to have in my life.  While I won't be writing anymore posts on what I am grateful for I will still be looking.  It makes such a difference to find one thing to be grateful for.  One thing that has made a difference to your life.
On that note I present my final gratitude.  I am grateful for my loving Heavenly Father and his son, my personal Savior, Jesus Christ.  My faith in them changed to knowledge a long time ago.  It was at a time in my life that I felt my self-esteem had been beaten down so low that it couldn't go any lower.  At that time my mother came to me and told me I needed to work it out and talk things through.  She was afraid that if I held it in any longer I would explode.  To tell you the truth I did feel like I was on the edge of explosion.  It is not a pretty thing to see let alone feel.  While there were things I could talk through with her there were other things that hurt so deeply that I couldn't say them out loud.  So I took them to my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ.  My pain was taken away.  I was spiritually and emotionally healed.   Since that time no matter what else is going on in my life I have never come close to to doubting their existance.  Nor have I ever doubted their love for me.  I know they live.  I know my Father in Heaven is the one true God of this world.  I know that His son was sent here to die so that I could live again.  I know that Jesus Christ went into the garden of gethsemine to suffer and bleed to pay for my sins.  He is my Savior.
I pray that I can teach my children so that they too can come to know these things.  I want them to develop a personal relationship with their Savior.  He is there waiting for us to open our hearts to him.  He is holding out his hand for us to take.  He wants to help us.  He wants to guide us.  We do not have to go through this life on our own.  Yes, there will still be trials.  Yes, we will still experience pain and suffering.  Did you know you don't have to deal with it all on your own?  Hand it over to the Savior.  He will take it away and leave you with peace and love instead. 
I cannot tell you of the many times this knowledge has gotten me through the pains and trials of life.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father.  I am grateful for my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

2011 Gratitude #29

With so many things to be grateful for I cannot forget to add in that I am grateful to be able to worship the way I choose.  Religious freedom is a wonderful thing.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks has said, "Religious Freedom is fundamental to the existance of our nation."  He went on to talk about how it is protected legally because it is in the constitution and that it along with the freedom of speech is in a position of importance to the founding fathers.  Freedom of religion and freedom of speech were a fundamental reason colonists came to this land.  They had experienced religious persecution.  Also they had experienced being punished for expressing their opinions.  Thus freedom of religion and freedom of speach were motivating factors that brought our founding fathers here. 
I am grateful that those brave people set out to make a better place in this world.  A place where you could stand up for let alone have any religious belief.  I know without a doubt that our Father in Heaven had a hand in the forming of this nation.  I hurts to see so many that would like to destroy this heaven sent consitutional right.  Without it we would not have become the powerful nation millions upon millions of people have flocked to.  I don't want to start a political debate but it frightens me to see what direction our goverment is pushing us into.  No I am not just saying Obama is single handedly doing it.  Our goverment has been slowly headed this way for years.
I haven't been particularly concerned about who becomes president next.  I have prayed over this matter and know that no matter who is elected we still have to go down a difficult road.  We have been told in the scriptures that in the last days things will be very bad.  We may think things are bad now but think about what history has taught us.  Things have been much worse than they are now.  Before the second coming of our Savior things will get much worse than anything any people on the face of this earth have ever experienced.  So dispite knowing this I still feel at peace.  Why?  Because I have already prepared myself.  I know it is going to get bad but I know it has to before the Savior will come.  Am I prepared to meet my Savior?  No I have a long ways to go before I will be there.  Now is the time to prepare.  Get your houses in order and prepare yourselves to meet your maker.
I am grateful that I can know for myself what is right.  I am grateful that I live in a country that was founded on principles of religious freedom.  I am grateful I can worship the way I choose.

2011 Gratitude #28

I am so grateful for my husband Les and my children. They mean everything to me. I love having them in my life.
When Les and I started dating a few people tried to deter me from it. Thankfully I learned to pray about things on my own. I prayed about being with Les. It is amazing how it has helped me. Les and I are different from each other from our experiences in life to the way we tell stories (Les is the storyteller in this family). Les and I are also alike. We haven't had to argue over how to raise our children because we want the same things for them. We have similar ideas on how to teach them the things we feel are important for them to know. Les is my best friend. I always want to be with him. He has told me that with the way his body is going down hill that he may not live nearly as long as I do. He follows it up with how I will be able to find a better man to marry when he is gone. What he doesn't seem to understand is that I don't think there is a man out there that could be more perfect for me than he is. He is so kind and understanding. I stopped feeling so self conscious around him long ago because he seems to understand me better than I do. How can I not feel so blessed to have this wonderful man in my life. Originally when Les came out here I was going to wait in Utah with the kids until we had bought a house. Within the first month I felt so lost without him (and yes emotional but what pregnant woman wouldn't be) that I thought that I had truly gone crazy. So long before I thought I would I ended up out here in Maryland. Les holds me up and keeps me together. I am so grateful for him.
I became a mother 4 and a half years ago to a beautiful little girl we named Emma. Oh my goodness she is her father's daughter (she got my story telling abilities though). She has picked up on his teasing and does it right back. One time he came home from school and she pulled him into the toy room. She had him sit down and the fed him. As he "ate" she handed him a cup to drink from. He took it, "drank" from it, and exclaimed, "Ooo Orange juice! My favorite!" She laughed and told him, "No daddy! It's toilet water!" As background Les always teased the girls that if they didn't ask nicely for a drink he would get them water from the toilet. Emma amazes me at how intelligent she is. I know I'm her mother I'm suppose to think that but even my mother (a teacher) is frequently amazed by what Emma can do and say. Not only does she listen to what we teach her but she often repeats it back to us. Les taught her that when you mix hot and cold you get warm. He first taught her with water and then taught her it was true with other things as well. She still tells me that hot goes to cold to make warm. Not only is her memory very good but she is constantly asking questions to figure out why things are the way they are. Like I said she is her father's daughter. She is as inquisitive as he is. I keep trying to teach her but she is almost beyond my abilities to teach. Oh another thing about Emma is that she is so caring. She will make a wonderful mother. Since getting pregnant she watches over me. She has noticed that I often don't feel well. That is when she springs into action. She takes me to either my bed or her own and makes me lay down. She makes sure I have a pillow or two and places her own blanket over me. Then she sits by my side and talks to me and sings me a few songs. Often I end up laughing which pleases her. She is sure this means I am all better. Which if the reason she feels the need to care for me is because I have been emotional over something then yes I do feel better. I love that she loves me so much she wants to make sure I am going ok and taken care of. I am grateful for my Emma.
To say that I was super excited to have Khloe come live with us would be a major over statement. I knew that she would require a lot of attention and work to help her. So despite my reservations I prayed about having her come into our home. Heavenly Father didn't say yes but he didn't say no either. What he did say was that we needed to keep on the path we were on and Khloe would end up where she needed to be. Well as you know the court turned her over to our care. I worked hard with her to get her vocabulary up so she could communicate with us. With two other kids I was already beginning to feel over stretched and felt even more so trying to decipher her grunts and whines. It taxed my patience and my energy. Between working hard with her and feeling guilty over the time it took away from the other kids my sanity felt like it was slipping. While it was challenging to keep on course I can say it was worth it to hear Khloe speak. While she still has moments where she slips back into whining rather than using her words we have made a lot of progress. She still looks at me in ways that puncture right through my heart (she didn't like how tough I had to be to get her to talk) she is starting to soften towards me. Les commented to me the other day that I might not be able to see it but he has noticed a shift in our relationship. The other girls are frequently snuggling into my side and showing me tons of affection. I would glance up to see Khloe watching with no expression on her face. There were rare moments during church when she would sit next to me that she would reach over and play with my watch (when I could find it), my ring, or even my fingernails. I had to hold still because if she realized I was paying attention she would stop. More recently whenever the other girls would decide to give me a hug and a kiss she would too. I sometimes wish she would do it because it was her idea and she really wanted to rather than to do what the others do. Maybe if I bide my time it will happen. Also if I lay down by the kids she will come over and play with my hair or my hands. It has happened a lot lately. This was what Les was talking about there being a shift in our relationship. I don't know what has turned the tides but it gives me hope that someday Khloe will appreciate the time and effort I put into helping her and that those looks of dislike and sometimes even loathing with cease to happen when she looks at me. I hope that one day she will realized that I was hard on her because I love her and wand her to succeed. Though sometimes it is hard to see I really am grateful she came to live with us. I am grateful we were able to adopt her and take her to the Temple to be sealed to us forever. I am grateful she is opening up to me even this little bit. I am grateful for Khloe.
Even though I wasn't a first time mother I felt totally unprepared and insufficient to welcome another child into the world. I knew that the love a mother has for her children was an amazing powerful thing. I had heard that the love you feel for your first child didn't lessen when the next one came. Instead your love increases so you can love them both with an intensity that is almost scary. I learned of this truthfulness when my little Samantha was born. I was so grateful to have her come and be healthy. Little did I know at the time that loving her as much as Emma or her delivery were the least of my problems. As I have written in this blog before at one week old Samantha was hospitalized with RSV. She got so bad that she was taken by life flight to Primary Children's Hospital. I was so frightened. I had never felt such grief and despair as I did when (figuratively) my newborn was ripped from my arms. Although I could touch her and sat by her side as much as I could she wasn't able to return to my arms for sometime. I had begun to wonder if I would ever get to hold her again. How great was my joy when she was able to breath again on her own. They took most of the tubes out of her and allowed me to hold her. Soon afterward I was also allowed to try to feed her. It took a few tries for her to relearn how it was done. Soon we were well on our way to getting to take her home. It didn't take long to recognize that our prayers had been answered more fully than we expected. We and many others prayed that she would be able to fight for her life. My mom tried to warn me. She told me, "Now remember when she grows up and is a fighter that you prayed for it." Oh boy is she ever a fighter. I'm not sure why but rather than be anxious about it I find myself rather amused by it. I like her fighting spirit. Sammi won't do things just because other want her to. It has to be her idea. She will refuse to do something she would normally do simply because someone else is telling her she has to. I certainly hope she is that independent a thinker when she is a teenager. Samantha may be stubborn but she is a delight to have around. She loves to snuggle with me and thinks she is teasing me when she kisses me on the cheek. Really it is me egging her on so she will do it more. I love how ticklish she is. I love that she is trying to be like her daddy and sister when it comes to teasing. I love it when she announces to me, "I am a PRINCESS!". She is learning everything so fast. In the language department she keeps up with Khloe and has surpassed her when it comes to using it. For a two year old she expresses herself quite well. I am grateful for my little Sammi.
Oh I wanted toi mention one other thing about my girls that I love. They sing. They may not be the best singers you will ever hear but they learn a song and sing it a lot and with enthusiasm. In fact, my two year old learned all the words to, "I am a Child or God" shortly after turning two. I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed but I rather enjoy it when she starts singing it loudly in Sacrament meeting. It is rather refreshing and gives a lot of people around us pleasure too. You should see them shake with laughter. My kids will break out into song anywhere. Be it the privacy of our home or in church or even the middle of the aisle at the store. It does not matter because they are doing something they love. My family brings me so much joy on a daily basis. No matter how tiring or trying the day has been they manage to bring a smile to my face at some point. I love my family. I am grateful I get to be with them everyday. I am grateful for my family.

2011 Gratitude #27

I am grateful for extended family. I have a large extended family. I am use to spending time with them pretty much anytime Les or I felt like it. It was harder to do that the last six months while we were trying to conserve our resources and especially when we didn't have income coming in at all. I miss spending time with them. I grew up in a home that not only told me the value and importance of family but also showed me by their actions. All of my mother's siblings live within a short distance of each other. As a result we saw them and their children often. Strong traditions were established. While we didn't celebrate every holiday together we would gather together for the biggest ones. Each gathering was much the same but I loved it. We would have a large potluck meal and then we would tell our favorite stories from years past. At our family christmas party we would go sleigh riding down the road of the hill at my grandmothers home. At Easter we would go to a place we called, "the rocks". It was in the desert with a cliff and giant rocks that littered the floor after falling off of that cliff. It was among these rocks that we would set out our meal. Then we would hunt for eggs in the rocks that covered the steep slope leading up to the cliff. It wasn't until I was older that it occurred to me that some of the eggs we were finding could be ones missed from years before. After the egg hunt we would play baseball. While I have never been very good at baseball I would usually become the runner for my grandfather. For a few years we also went repelling off the cliff. I remember the first time we did it. I watched in amazement as my 80 something grandfather repelled down face down in is cowboy boots. I had always admired my grandparents for their energy and abilities to do so many things most grandparents couldn't or wouldn't do. For the 4th of July we had huge BBQs in a draw on my uncle's property. The men got up and gathered to spend hours preparing and cooking the meat. At some point my dad started cooking breakfast for the workers. I would go along to help. Later in the afternoon people filled the space bringing with them salads and desserts. I don't remember the beginning of this tradition but in my own observations it went from a family event to a minor community event. Friends and neighbors would show up to partake in this yummy affair. Not only did people come from around the state We even had people come from England to attend. When we were younger I had a few cousins that liked to remind everyone else that they were bigger and could do whatever they wanted. To show case this they would drag (not even waiting for the meal to be done) anyone they could down to the canal and drop them in. The more fighting you did the better they liked it. If they couldn't drag you to the canal they would open the riser in the middle of the draw and get you that way. Our family became known for our water fights. I learned quickly that you eat and then hide. They did have some boundries they wouldn't cross. The elderly and those with babies were left alone. As those cousins grew up and became fathers they mellowed out a little. Our water fights almost became extinct. The biggest it gets now is a cup of water thrown here or there. After dinner my cousins and siblings would go up by the house and play basketball. I'm going to miss this tradition. As the meat was being prepared this last summer my two uncles who "host" the event decided they were getting too old to do it anymore. So unless one (or more) of the younger generation wants to take over there will no longer be a 4th of July BBQ.
At Halloween we would go to my grandma's house and she would do what she liked to call a peanut bust. She would have you stand across the room facing her. Then she would throw peanuts at us. The first time it was a surprise. All the other times it was a chance to laugh at how delighted her face got and a chance to laugh as you wrestled over the peanuts (didn't want to disappoint her by not trying). Then the Elementary would have its carnival that all our family would show up to. After doing the games we would sit down to the nice chili dinner the school cafeteria staff cooked. Since mom is a teacher there she would do a booth. When I wasn't playing the other games or eating I would help her run the booth. A few times a few cousins and I would go out and trick or treat at the houses of people we knew who lived close to the school. I think of that with my own children and hope they aren't that stupid. I get terrified of what could happen to my kids if they did some of the things I did as a child.
An example of that is when my cousins and I would blow up inter tubes and float down the canal that flowed through the farming community south of where I grew up. You got great tans doing this but at the same time it was a bit dangerous. One time I went down in a large tube. My cousins wife went with me in it and going through a particular area with rapids we hit our bums on the rocks causing the rapids. I think that was the last time we went down the canal. It has since been enclosed so you can't tube down it anymore.
I love getting to spend time with family. I am grateful for the influence and guidance my family has had on my life. I am grateful that my children have had these people in their lives. As I tell my children, "We are related. They couldn't keep us away if they wanted to." I am grateful to all the people we are related to.

2011 Gratitude #26

I am grateful for friends. Friends are important to have. They lift you up and make you want to be a better person. While I don't have the time or finger strength to type out all those I consider friends I do want to mention a few. To my good friend Kim I am so grateful that I was able to get to know you and hang out with you. I am also grateful that even after you moved away to college that you still wanted to be my friend. Even though we are far apart I am grateful that we are still building our relationship through an occasional phone call and email. I must admit that there is one thing above all of these others that I am grateful to you for. You introduced me to my husband. I still tease him about asking you on a date right after we met. Kim you are a wonderful person and the greatest for friends. I always think with fondness to the times we hung out. You have never been one for negativity. You lift others up. I never had to wonder why you always had a ton of people vying for your attention. You are a friend to all. I love you. Thank you so much.
To my friend Tai I know we never see each other and haven't spent much time talking (you are so busy it is hard to get time with you). No matter what happens in life I will always consider you one of my closest friends. After most of my friends in high school graduated and moved away you picked me up and carried me through those last two years for high school. Then you let me follow you to Snow College. Not only that but you wanted to be my roommate. I loved every second of it. I would so do those years again. Take care of that cute little family of yours. Tell Wes he better take good care of you or he will have to deal with me. Thank you for being my friend.
To my friend Megan I love to be around you. Your laugh and bright personality lift me up. You are amazing. I am grateful that we were able to meet and be roommates at Snow College. Those were some of the best times of my life. I am sorry that I didn't get to tell you goodbye before we left Logan. You were so busy with your students I didn't want to interrupt. They are so lucky to have a teacher like you. I wish Emma had gotten into your class. I know she would have loved you. Keep in touch please. Thank you for being my friend. You have made me a better person.
To my friend Corinna you are wonderful example to me. I always felt protective of you because you were so passive. I didn't like it when people tried to walk all over you. You were to good a person to let them get away with it. I am grateful we got to know each other at college. I am grateful I can read up on your blog to see how your little family is growing and changing. I wish you luck and happiness. Thank you for being my friend.
Lastly to my friend Kayla. I am sorry it took me so long to come around. I was trying really hard not to get emotionally attached to the area or the people. You managed to break through. Thank you for that. I didn't realize it at the time but I needed to have your guidance and influence in my life. Thank you for being there when all seemed to go wrong. Thank you for helping me keep my head up and strong enough to push forward. You have no idea what you have done for me. There are no words that can adequately express it or what it has meant to me. I am grateful that I got to know you. I am grateful that you allowed my children to learn from yours. Thank you for being my friend.
I have been lucky to have had such great friends. I am grateful to each one. I have learned many things from them. Some of which I learned was about the person I was and the person I wanted to be after spending time with you. You have each done something to shape my life. Thank you. I am grateful for friends.

2011 Gratitude #25

I am grateful for my scriptures and prayer. No need for me to actually remind you of how much I have struggled over the last few months. Here is what I know. I wouldn't be getting better if it weren't for prayer and reading my scriptures. Part of the reason I did get so bad was from a lack of prayer and scripture reading in my life. It is not the first time this has happened nor do I doubt that it will be the last time it happens. The important thing is to realize that it has happened and take steps to fix it. As I worked to fix my lack of faith this time I flipped open my scriptures and started reading where they opened. I started reading on Alma 34:11 and read to the end of the chapter. In the beginning it was talking about the need of an atonement and how it will satisfy the demands of justice. In verse 17 it says, "Therefore may God grant unto you, my brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you;
18 Yea, cry unto him for mercy for he is mighty to save.
19 Yes, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him.
20 Cry unto him when ye are in your fields, yea, over all your flocks.
21 Cry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening.
22 Yea, cry unto him against the power of your enemies.
23 Yes, cry unto him against the devil, who is an enemy to all righteousness.
24 Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.
25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.
26 But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.
27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.
It goes on to say that without being charitable that your prayer is in vain. It has reminded me to get outside of myself. First I need to pray to my Father in Heaven and then I need to go out and do something for someone else. It is hard to get so many blessings when we are not willing to be the answer to someone else's prayer. We may never know whose prayer we have answered but that is how the our Father works. He works through us to bless those in need. How then are we to know who to serve? Serve thy neighbor, the sick and afflicted, and those who are in need. Everyone is in need at some point in their lives. You may not know who is in need. I believe that those in the most need that we will be guided to them. But what about the ones who aren't so bad off but still need the helping hand. We can make someone else's day better simply by smiling and being polite. There is no need to rip into others.
I will be praying for opportunities to serve others. Selfishness gets you no where. I need to get outside of myself and help others. I am grateful for my scriptures and for prayer.

2011 Gratitude #24

I am grateful for Thanksgiving. It reminds us to be grateful for what we do have rather than always focusing on what we don't have. This was the first Thanksgiving completely on my own. Usually I make something to contribute to the meal. I have never made the main event let alone the whole thing. In the days leading up to this big day I planned my menu and tried to have confidence that I had the skills and abilities to pull it all off. This morning as I started to put the individual pieces of the meal together I started out very nervous but ended at ease. Staying busy and tying it all together helped me focus and forget for a time what I was missing out on thousands of miles away. I am grateful that the meal actually turned out well. I will have to work on doing mom's rolls (they didn't come out quite right). It all tasted great and the kids said they loved all the food. I took pictures but I will have to wait until we have internet again to post them. I liked all the food so I will be posting the recipes on my recipe blog when I have time. In a little bit we will be putting up our Christmas tree and I will post pictures of that at some point as well.
I am grateful for this season of thanksgiving.

2011 Gratitude #23

I am grateful for the White Plains First Ward. I will admit that I was terrified at the thoughts of being in a ward outside of Utah (I knew it was irrational but that is what you get when you combine pregnancy and me). I didn't think I would be a good representative of the membership in Utah. They welcomed me in and didn't give a second thought to my coming from Utah. The faith of the members here is a bit awe inspiring. I feel weak in comparison. Being with them makes me want to be a better person and representative of my Father in Heaven. I am grateful to be in the White Plains First Ward.

2011 Gratitude #22

My 22nd gratitude is for the Meadowbrook Ward. I cannot tell you all you have done for me. Knowing that Logan would only be my home temporarily I got to know people but not on the level of friendship. I thought it would be too hard to leave if I had invested my heart too much in the place and the people. While I was right there is something to be said about it being worth it. The people of the Meadowbrook ward broke through and despite myself became my friends. I will not be forgetting you anytime soon. While it hurts not to be involved it the everyday goings on there I know I found some place in your hearts as well. Thank you for the best year I have had in any ward I've been in since moving to Logan. I am grateful for the Meadowbrook Ward.

2011 Gratitude #21

I am grateful that my husband has a job. With a bad economy and so many other people unemployed we are lucky that Les is employed. We are within Maryland's poverty level but that is nothing new to us. We know how to survive. We probably won't get food stamps but we do have WIC and we are being considered for Medicaid. I know you are thinking if we were going to live off of state benefits why didn't we stay in Utah without a job. The best answer I can give you can be summed up in one word: Les. That wonderful man doesn't want to live off of other people's hard work. He searched high and low for jobs in his degree field. Then he searched for jobs that kind of shared skills he had gained with his degree. He looked for jobs that had nothing to do with what he had chosen for a career. He was so concerned that he wouldn't find employment and be able to provide for our family. Almost at the same time two jobs far across the country started competing for him. It gave him his confidence back.
To make our lives more financially comfortable we have been asked why I don't get a job to help out. The simple answer: why give away all my paychecks to pay for day care when I can teach them what I want them to know and I have better rates. We can't afford for me to work. Crazy isn't it. We save more money this way than we would make the other way. I am deeply grateful that my husband has a job and works hard so I can stay home with the kids.

2011 Gratitude #21

I am grateful that my husband has a job. With a bad economy and so many other people unemployed we are lucky that Les is employed. We are within Maryland's poverty level but that is nothing new to us. We know how to survive. We probably won't get food stamps but we do have WIC and we are being considered for Medicaid. I know you are thinking if we were going to live off of state benefits why didn't we stay in Utah without a job. The best answer I can give you can be summed up in one word: Les. That wonderful man doesn't want to live off of other people's hard work. He searched high and low for jobs in his degree field. Then he searched for jobs that kind of shared skills he had gained with his degree. He looked for jobs that had nothing to do with what he had chosen for a career. He was so concerned that he wouldn't find employment and be able to provide for our family. Almost at the same time two jobs far across the country started competing for him. It gave him his confidence back.
To make our lives more financially comfortable we have been asked why I don't get a job to help out. The simple answer: why give away all my paychecks to pay for day care when I can teach them what I want them to know and I have better rates. We can't afford for me to work. Crazy isn't it. We save more money this way than we would make the other way. I am deeply grateful that my husband has a job and works hard so I can stay home with the kids.

2011 Gratitude #20

I know I'm behind but since I don't have internet I think I have a good reason to be. My 20th gratitude for this month is for all the wonderful people how have helped us get where we are. I could make a long list of teachers and such. However, with the circumstances I want to focus on the most recent events. I know I have thanked most of these people on here already but I want to express my gratitude one more time. To all of you in Utah that helped us pack, clean up, watched our kids, took us into your home, helped us get to the airport, helped get my children and I through two airports and two flights, and got our car onto the transport I want you to know I love you and I am so grateful for you. I wouldn't have made it out here without all your help (mostly because I couldn't lift almost any of our belongings). I am so grateful to have my family together. So thank you for helping me get us together. Now these aren't the only ones for me to be grateful for. I am grateful for the elders in our new ward. They came out and moved us into the house. They gave me a few looks of pity as they hauled off chunks of my headboard and shards of glass from the mirror that had once been attached to said headboard. Or when I opened the tote of chinese china that was suppose to be "safe" but ended up with almost half of it in multiple pieces. However, they moved us in quite fast. I am so grateful Les didn't have to do it all himself. We are grateful to all of you who helped us over the last month or so.

2011 Gratitude #19

Today I am grateful to have my own stuff in a house of my own (well kind of). We and a group of Elders from our new ward descended on a house this morning. We emptied a large trailer full of household goods that came all the way from Utah. Yes people. Today was the day that we emptied the trailer all of our possessions were put into over a month ago. While I am grieved by all the broken things I am still so grateful to have what I do have. I am grateful to have a house of our own for Thanksgiving. I am grateful to have an oven that I can count on to work the way I expect it to. I didn't take any pictures. I should have but I will post a few pictures of how it all looks as I get things unpacked. The house has great potential. I will need to curb my enthusiasm a little. I can't change anything without permission until we actually own the house and we have money to do it. So about not owning the house. It turned into a short sale on us. We still feel at peace about buying the house. The owner is allowing us to live in the house until a solution can be found and we can buy the house. So despite a lot of sadness today I am deeply grateful to be in this house surrounded by mountains of totes that need to be unpacked. I am grateful that all that stuff belongs to us.

2011 Gratitude #18

I am grateful for a healthy pregnancy.  There are several reasons that have caused me to worry that all might not be so well with my baby.  My original plan was to have had my third baby this last spring.  I have been a bit baby hungry for the last year and a half.  Due to reasons that I won't go into I couldn't handle the idea of being pregnant with all the other things in my life that were causing me stress.  So I waited.
Now that I am pregnant there has been monumental amount of stress.  Packing up a house, getting a kidney stone, getting all our stuff in a moving truck, cleaning the house, flying across country with three little girls, and living in a limbo state in a one bedroom basement apartment.  While stress is still here it isn't as bad as it has been.  However, knowing what I've put my body through I was a bit worried about the effects it has had on the baby.  Not only could the stress have been bad but I have a family history of spinal bifada.  Before I left Logan my OB was going to have me do a blood test for spinal bifada and a few other things.
I finally found and made it into a new doctor here.  My first relief was hearing the baby's heart beat so strong and healthy (had problems finding it before I left Logan).  Then yesterday I was called for the results of the blood test.  It came back negative!!  It is good to know that my baby is growing healthy and strong inside of me.  In fact, I am more than happy.  I am grateful.

  I never did profile picture in my previous pregnancies.  I'm not really sure I know the reasons I am doing it now.  Maybe it is because all the people that I would normally spend my time around while pregnant won't see me again until well after I have this baby.  This way they will have a little part of it all.  It could be that I am just plain glad that I have passed that are you just fat or pregnant phase.  I am definitely grateful that I am starting to look pregnant.  There is a very good reason I am this round.  So what ever the reason here it is.  This is me and my little (somedays it doesn't feel so little) baby bump.

2011 Gratitude #17

I am grateful for music. I have always enjoyed listening to music.  I also enjoy singing when I don't have to: 1- do it by myself and 2- do it in front of an audience.  I had a lady ask me in church ask me if I play an instrument other than my voice.  I told her no I don't (I wish I had learned to play the piano).  She told me that it was ok but that she heard me singing during sacrament and that I have a nice voice.  A bit embarrassed I told her thank you.  Then she made a comment about our family singing in sacrament sometime.  I couldn't help but look at Les.  I knew he wouldn't be super thrilled about that.  She must have noticed because she asked Les if he sings.  He told her no.  I told he that he can sing but he doesn't like to.  Trying to deflect the attention from himself he mentioned that our kids all know the words to, "I am a Child of God."  Her face brightened.  Les then added a whole list of songs (not all church related) that they sing.  I am grateful that music seems to be something my kids enjoy.  I am going to try to teach them a few new songs over the next month.  I am just unsure which ones I should teach them first.  I played a whole bunch yesterday.  If they didn't already know the song they easily got distracted.  If they already knew it even a little bit they seemed much more interested.  I think for now I will find a good one that I know all the words to so I can sing it over and over.  When we get our stuff back I will get out my children's song book and just start at the beginning.  I can't teach them every song in the book because I don't even know all of them.  I can teach them the ones I know.  Then I can try to tackle the ones I don't know.
One thing about music I love is that it has the power to cheer me up and make me feel better.  Right before I decided to do the gratitude posts I was so stressed out.  Les got me new batteries for my MP3 player.  He told me to lay down and listen to the music.  I almost said something sarcastic about the kids not leaving me alone long enough to enjoy it.  He told me he would put in a movie for the kids and keep an eye on them.  So I laid down and listened to what was on there.  Even though it wasn't church music (or even close to it) I felt so much better.  It was so relaxing!  So when I start to feel that the stress is overwhelming I get my music back out and chill out for a little while.  Music is so powerful.
Oh and I cannot forget to mention that the music for my favorite holiday is right around the corner!  Christmas music is the best!  In Utah I could already be listening to it.  Ususally I refrain until after Thanksgiving though.  I like to let Thanksgiving have it's time rather than overshadow it with Christmas.  But oh how I love Christmas!  I am grateful for all music but especially church and christmas music. 

2011 Gratitude #16

Gratitude 16 is for the game of tag.  Today was a particularly difficult day.  For unknown reasons the kids were restless and didn't want to listen.  As a result mom ended up with a headache and the kids spent time in time out.  Not the best day ever but it was saved by playing tag.  Each girl took turns being it.  They spent at least an hour and a half playing in this manner.  While it didn't help in the headache department it did help out with the kids.  They were so tired afterward that they were more more subdued.  Yea for mom!!!  Tag may be a daily habit from now on.  I am grateful for the game of tag.

2011 Gratitude #15

I am grateful for sleep.  For the past few days our sleep has been interrupted by children waking up in the middle of the night.  I also noticed that both Les and I would wake up several times a night for an unknown reason.  It makes for long nights.  No matter what happens in the middle of the night you have to get up the next morning to take care of your family.  In my case, the kids don't sleep past 7 and need me to be up taking care of them.  For Les he has to get up and head to work.  Last night I finally had the most uninterrupted sleep I've had in a while.  I feel much better today.  We will see how long it lasts.  I remember when I was pregnant with Sammi.  I was going to school and taking care of Emma.  I remember waking up a lot in the night.  One time I remember thinking, "Why am I not sleeping while I still can?  In a few months I'll have a newborn and be sleep deprived then."  Not having an answer I tried to sleep some more.  Over time I came to think that pregnant women don't sleep well to train them for those nights when the baby will keep them up at night.  That way it isn't a sudden thing.  You slowly work into it and are kind of use to the sleepless nights.  At least I think it is true for me.  It isn't true for everyone.  So knowing that more sleepless nights are to come I am grateful right here and now that I have gotten some sleep.

2011 Gratitude #14

Sorry tried to get this done yesterday but I had problems uploading the pictures.  Guess I had to let the computer rest before it would work.  Today I am grateful for opportunities to teach my kids about service.  We raked up the leaves off of a lawn for an older widow.  We promised the girls that for their help they could jump into the pile at least once (they always talk about doing it but we didn't have enough leaves to do it in Utah).  So I slacked off and didn't get any pictures of actually raking up the leaves but this is what I did get:

 Sammi neck deep in the leaves!

 Emma's turn!

In goes Khloe!

We let the kids get in according to how well they helped out.  Sammi did such a wonderful job of helping.  She told us with each load she dumped on the pile, "I want to help!"  Oh and what a good job of helping she did!  Emma wasn't quite as enthusiastic but she carried quiet a few loads of leaves to the pile.  She was super excited about having a pile of leaves to jump into.  Khloe helped a little bit.  Mostly she watched everyone else work.  Oh well!  At some point she will figure out that in this family we like to help others and that everyone pitches in.  Until then we still get to have fun while we do it.  Here are some other fun pictures from that experience:

 All three girls into the leaves!

 Looks like they are having fun!

 Les sent me in too!

After we played a little we put the leaves into garbage bags.

I am proud of the work the girls did.  I love teaching my kids to work and also to help out other people.  No matter were you are you can find something to do to help another person.  L am grateful for service opportunities.

2011 Gratitude #13

My gratitude today is for things that make me laugh.  This came to mind earlier today when on the way to Church the girls were singing a song that makes me smile.  It is about animals and Les tried to change elephant to Emmaphant.  He and Emma went back and forth about it for a few minutes.  Eventually Les asked, "Emma what comes after L?"  Right away she said, "Ephant!"  I laughed so hard my sides hurt.  I love how smart she is.
The following made me laugh.  Les posted this on facebook the other day.

Some belated parental advice to protesters By Marybeth Hicks
"Call it an occupational hazard, but I can't look at the Occupy Wall Street protesters without thinking, "Who parented these people?"
As a culture columnist, I've commented on the social and political ramifications of the "movement" -- now known as "OWS" -- whose fairyland agenda can be summarized by one of their placards: "Everything for everybody."
Thanks to their pipe-dream platform, it's clear there are people with serious designs on "transformational" change in America who are using the protesters like bedsprings in a brothel.
Yet it's not my role as a commentator that prompts my parenting question, but rather the fact that I'm the mother of four teens and young adults. There are some crucial life lessons that the protesters' moms clearly have not passed along.
Here, then, are five things the OWS protesters' mothers should have taught their children but obviously didn't, so I will:
Life isn't fair. The concept of justice - that everyone should be treated fairly - is a worthy and worthwhile moral imperative on which our nation was founded. But justice and economic equality are not the same. Or, as Mick Jagger said, "You can't always get what you want."
No matter how you try to "level the playing field," some people have better luck, skills, talents or connections that land them in better places. Some seem to have all the advantages in life but squander them, others play the modest hand they're dealt and make up the difference in hard work and perseverance, and some find jobs on Wall Street and eventually buy houses in the Hamptons. Is it fair? Stupid question.
Nothing is "free." Protesting with signs that seek "free" college degrees and "free" health care make you look like idiots, because colleges and hospitals don't operate on rainbows and sunshine. There is no magic money machine to tap for your meandering educational careers and "slow paths" to adulthood, and the 53 percent of taxpaying Americans owe you neither a degree nor an annual physical.
While I'm pointing out this obvious fact, here are a few other things that are not free: overtime for police officers and municipal workers, trash hauling, repairs to fixtures and property, condoms, Band-Aids and the food that inexplicably appears on the tables in your makeshift protest kitchens. Real people with real dollars are underwriting your civic temper tantrum.
Your word is your bond. When you demonstrate to eliminate student loan debt, you are advocating precisely the lack of integrity you decry in others. Loans are made based on solemn promises to repay them. No one forces you to borrow money; you are free to choose educational pursuits that don't require loans, or to seek technical or vocational training that allows you to support yourself and your ongoing educational goals. Also, for the record, being a college student is not a state of victimization. It's a privilege that billions of young people around the globe would die for --- literally.
A protest is not a party. On Saturday in New York, while making a mad dash from my cab to the door of my hotel to avoid you, I saw what isn't evident in the newsreel footage of your demonstrations: Most of you are doing this only for attention and fun. Serious people in a sober pursuit of social and political change don't dance jigs down Sixth Avenue like attendees of a Renaissance festival. You look foolish, you smell gross, you are clearly high and you don't seem to realize that all around you are people who deem you irrelevant.
There are reasons you haven't found jobs. The truth? Your tattooed necks, gauged ears, facial piercings and dirty dreadlocks are off-putting. Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity isn't a virtue. Occupy reality: Only 4 percent of college graduates are out of work. If you are among that 4 percent, find a mirror and face the problem. It's not them. It's you."
Marybeth Hicks, a wife of more than 20 years and mother of four children, lives in the Midwest. She uses her column to share her perspective on issues and experiences that shape families nationwide.
 
Sammi told me in the car that she has a baby inside her tummy just like me!   At first I just looked at her.  After a bit I thought back on it and it really makes me laugh to think that maybe she wants to be like me!  Though I can wait a long time before she does actually follow in this particular footprint.
 
Let's face it my kids do a number of things everyday that are funny.  The things they learn and are able to turn around and use in their everyday lives amazes me.  I am grateful to be able to find things that I can laugh about.

2011 Gratitude #12

My gratitude for today is:

"You are the best Mommy ever, except for a little bit."
                                         -Emma

I love the honesty!  Before Emma would tell me that I am the best Mommy ever.  While I am grateful that she feels that way I have never felt like that I was.  In fact, I knew that I could be a whole lot better.  Recently, while feeling like a really bad parent she said it to me.  I asked her if she really thought that.  She told me yes.  I ask her, "What about the times I'm not so nice and yell?  Am I the best Mommy then?"  She thought about it for a little while and that is when she told me that I am except for a little bit.  It was the addition of that last part that really got me to thinking about our situation here.  My attitude and lack of patience was not making this whole ordeal any better.  I knew that in order to have my children think back on this with fondness rather than horror that I needed to change.  So I am grateful for Emma's honesty.  It is bringing about changes that we all need badly.   Our sanity and happiness depend upon it.