2011 Gratitude #28

I am so grateful for my husband Les and my children. They mean everything to me. I love having them in my life.
When Les and I started dating a few people tried to deter me from it. Thankfully I learned to pray about things on my own. I prayed about being with Les. It is amazing how it has helped me. Les and I are different from each other from our experiences in life to the way we tell stories (Les is the storyteller in this family). Les and I are also alike. We haven't had to argue over how to raise our children because we want the same things for them. We have similar ideas on how to teach them the things we feel are important for them to know. Les is my best friend. I always want to be with him. He has told me that with the way his body is going down hill that he may not live nearly as long as I do. He follows it up with how I will be able to find a better man to marry when he is gone. What he doesn't seem to understand is that I don't think there is a man out there that could be more perfect for me than he is. He is so kind and understanding. I stopped feeling so self conscious around him long ago because he seems to understand me better than I do. How can I not feel so blessed to have this wonderful man in my life. Originally when Les came out here I was going to wait in Utah with the kids until we had bought a house. Within the first month I felt so lost without him (and yes emotional but what pregnant woman wouldn't be) that I thought that I had truly gone crazy. So long before I thought I would I ended up out here in Maryland. Les holds me up and keeps me together. I am so grateful for him.
I became a mother 4 and a half years ago to a beautiful little girl we named Emma. Oh my goodness she is her father's daughter (she got my story telling abilities though). She has picked up on his teasing and does it right back. One time he came home from school and she pulled him into the toy room. She had him sit down and the fed him. As he "ate" she handed him a cup to drink from. He took it, "drank" from it, and exclaimed, "Ooo Orange juice! My favorite!" She laughed and told him, "No daddy! It's toilet water!" As background Les always teased the girls that if they didn't ask nicely for a drink he would get them water from the toilet. Emma amazes me at how intelligent she is. I know I'm her mother I'm suppose to think that but even my mother (a teacher) is frequently amazed by what Emma can do and say. Not only does she listen to what we teach her but she often repeats it back to us. Les taught her that when you mix hot and cold you get warm. He first taught her with water and then taught her it was true with other things as well. She still tells me that hot goes to cold to make warm. Not only is her memory very good but she is constantly asking questions to figure out why things are the way they are. Like I said she is her father's daughter. She is as inquisitive as he is. I keep trying to teach her but she is almost beyond my abilities to teach. Oh another thing about Emma is that she is so caring. She will make a wonderful mother. Since getting pregnant she watches over me. She has noticed that I often don't feel well. That is when she springs into action. She takes me to either my bed or her own and makes me lay down. She makes sure I have a pillow or two and places her own blanket over me. Then she sits by my side and talks to me and sings me a few songs. Often I end up laughing which pleases her. She is sure this means I am all better. Which if the reason she feels the need to care for me is because I have been emotional over something then yes I do feel better. I love that she loves me so much she wants to make sure I am going ok and taken care of. I am grateful for my Emma.
To say that I was super excited to have Khloe come live with us would be a major over statement. I knew that she would require a lot of attention and work to help her. So despite my reservations I prayed about having her come into our home. Heavenly Father didn't say yes but he didn't say no either. What he did say was that we needed to keep on the path we were on and Khloe would end up where she needed to be. Well as you know the court turned her over to our care. I worked hard with her to get her vocabulary up so she could communicate with us. With two other kids I was already beginning to feel over stretched and felt even more so trying to decipher her grunts and whines. It taxed my patience and my energy. Between working hard with her and feeling guilty over the time it took away from the other kids my sanity felt like it was slipping. While it was challenging to keep on course I can say it was worth it to hear Khloe speak. While she still has moments where she slips back into whining rather than using her words we have made a lot of progress. She still looks at me in ways that puncture right through my heart (she didn't like how tough I had to be to get her to talk) she is starting to soften towards me. Les commented to me the other day that I might not be able to see it but he has noticed a shift in our relationship. The other girls are frequently snuggling into my side and showing me tons of affection. I would glance up to see Khloe watching with no expression on her face. There were rare moments during church when she would sit next to me that she would reach over and play with my watch (when I could find it), my ring, or even my fingernails. I had to hold still because if she realized I was paying attention she would stop. More recently whenever the other girls would decide to give me a hug and a kiss she would too. I sometimes wish she would do it because it was her idea and she really wanted to rather than to do what the others do. Maybe if I bide my time it will happen. Also if I lay down by the kids she will come over and play with my hair or my hands. It has happened a lot lately. This was what Les was talking about there being a shift in our relationship. I don't know what has turned the tides but it gives me hope that someday Khloe will appreciate the time and effort I put into helping her and that those looks of dislike and sometimes even loathing with cease to happen when she looks at me. I hope that one day she will realized that I was hard on her because I love her and wand her to succeed. Though sometimes it is hard to see I really am grateful she came to live with us. I am grateful we were able to adopt her and take her to the Temple to be sealed to us forever. I am grateful she is opening up to me even this little bit. I am grateful for Khloe.
Even though I wasn't a first time mother I felt totally unprepared and insufficient to welcome another child into the world. I knew that the love a mother has for her children was an amazing powerful thing. I had heard that the love you feel for your first child didn't lessen when the next one came. Instead your love increases so you can love them both with an intensity that is almost scary. I learned of this truthfulness when my little Samantha was born. I was so grateful to have her come and be healthy. Little did I know at the time that loving her as much as Emma or her delivery were the least of my problems. As I have written in this blog before at one week old Samantha was hospitalized with RSV. She got so bad that she was taken by life flight to Primary Children's Hospital. I was so frightened. I had never felt such grief and despair as I did when (figuratively) my newborn was ripped from my arms. Although I could touch her and sat by her side as much as I could she wasn't able to return to my arms for sometime. I had begun to wonder if I would ever get to hold her again. How great was my joy when she was able to breath again on her own. They took most of the tubes out of her and allowed me to hold her. Soon afterward I was also allowed to try to feed her. It took a few tries for her to relearn how it was done. Soon we were well on our way to getting to take her home. It didn't take long to recognize that our prayers had been answered more fully than we expected. We and many others prayed that she would be able to fight for her life. My mom tried to warn me. She told me, "Now remember when she grows up and is a fighter that you prayed for it." Oh boy is she ever a fighter. I'm not sure why but rather than be anxious about it I find myself rather amused by it. I like her fighting spirit. Sammi won't do things just because other want her to. It has to be her idea. She will refuse to do something she would normally do simply because someone else is telling her she has to. I certainly hope she is that independent a thinker when she is a teenager. Samantha may be stubborn but she is a delight to have around. She loves to snuggle with me and thinks she is teasing me when she kisses me on the cheek. Really it is me egging her on so she will do it more. I love how ticklish she is. I love that she is trying to be like her daddy and sister when it comes to teasing. I love it when she announces to me, "I am a PRINCESS!". She is learning everything so fast. In the language department she keeps up with Khloe and has surpassed her when it comes to using it. For a two year old she expresses herself quite well. I am grateful for my little Sammi.
Oh I wanted toi mention one other thing about my girls that I love. They sing. They may not be the best singers you will ever hear but they learn a song and sing it a lot and with enthusiasm. In fact, my two year old learned all the words to, "I am a Child or God" shortly after turning two. I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed but I rather enjoy it when she starts singing it loudly in Sacrament meeting. It is rather refreshing and gives a lot of people around us pleasure too. You should see them shake with laughter. My kids will break out into song anywhere. Be it the privacy of our home or in church or even the middle of the aisle at the store. It does not matter because they are doing something they love. My family brings me so much joy on a daily basis. No matter how tiring or trying the day has been they manage to bring a smile to my face at some point. I love my family. I am grateful I get to be with them everyday. I am grateful for my family.