A little update on a stressful situation

So for my last post I felt that I should get a few things off my chest.  At the time I just thought I was being inspired by Heavenly Father to help me let go of some emotion.   Believe me when I say I did just that.  However, there may have been more to it than that.  The very next day my sister-in-law Jana called me up and let me talk it through.  Then she told me that they had thought they got rid of all of their son's old clothing but had found a box that slipped through the cracks at her parents house.  Can you guess what size they are?  They just happen to be 0-6 month clothing.  I cried when she told me.  I knew then that while it was good for me to get the emotion out it was also inspiration to get help.  Thank you Jana for helping Heavenly Father answer prayer.
As for the rest of the stress . . .  well let's just say it has thrown me up and down through a whole lot of emotion.  Les and I have been all over the state as well as into Virginia looking over possible places to rent.  Most of the ones we really liked that were in our price range either didn't feel right (when we prayed about them) or didn't have anything coming open within the time frame we were looking at.  I know I have cried over this situation but what really gets to me is the look of stress this burden has given Les.  He blames himself for not being able to properly care for our family.  He forgets the main reason we looked into buying when we came here was because a mortagage is cheaper than rent is.  So now that Heavenly Father has told us we need to rent at this time rather than buy he should know that it isn't because he is a poor provider that we are in this situation. 
Today we made a decision that we are acting upon.  On one of his days off Les is going to get help moving our stuff to a storage unit.  Then he will take time off of work and drive the girls and I to Utah for an unknown length of time just to fly back to go to work.  At this time we are unsure where he will be living.  It makes me cry just thinking about being separated from him.  I want him there by my side when I go through labor to bring our son into this world.  I want him there with us as we adjust to the day to day things of having a new baby in the family.  I don't want him miss a day with us or his son.  While I felt right about this arrangement I am having a hard time with it despite that.  Like we have heard before, "I didn't say it would be easy but it will be worth it."  The only comfort I find in this is that my kids will not have to live in a hotel or (thankfully) out of a car until something else comes along.  That knowledge is the only thing keeping me going right now.  I still have to figure out what I am going to do about a new OB.  I'm not sure my kids will be able to be covered by Medicaid while we are in Utah (which frightens me). 
So that is the update of where we are.  Not pretty but hopefully for the best.  I will do what I can to hold my precious family together.  They mean more to me than my own life.  May God watch over us and keep us safe.  May we be able to follow the path He is trying to lead us down.

A little stressed

So again I just need to get things off of my chest.  Les and I moved Maryland because Heavenly Father told us this was a good place for us to be and that it would be good for our family.  It is something I have gone back to time and again and still feel that assurance that it is right.  Just because something feels right does not mean that it will fall into place without you lifting a finger.  In fact, it is more likely that it is something that you will have to fight for and find a way to make it happen.  Les moved here with little more than an email for the promise of a job.  The day before he was to start he was sent an email with the information he would need to get into the building and prove that he does have a job there.  Not exactly the most professional way for it to happen but we took that leap of faith.  Since being here we have had to fight to get medical for our children and many other things.  Despite all that we have had to do and experienced here I still feel good about coming.

Now like I said before just because something is right doesn't make it easy.  So here comes the getting of things off my chest part.  For the last few weeks we have been intruded upon by people coming to see the house now that it is back on the market.  I have not really enjoyed it and neither have the kids.  However, people coming to see it meant they didn't have a buyer and that meant we had more time for our contract to come through.  We had even heard that the bank for our contract would make its decision about us at latest by this friday (which now they are saying at latest it will be next friday - we will see how many times they can tell us that).  Then last night we got the worst news ever.  This house is going under contract today.  We have officially been given our walking papers.  We have to be out of this house by March 29th.  We have no idea what we will do between that day and the day we can move into our house (if we are approved).  So in other words we are living in stress city.  Les has been comtemplating all sorts of ideas.  Everything from living in a hotel room to flying the kids and I back to Utah to live with family until we know one way or the other if we are even going to stay in Maryland.  None of these options are very attractive from my point of view.  Although, any plan that keeps my family together (as I get nearer to delivery) is preferrable over any other at this point. 

Not that all of that isn't enough for one little family but there is more.  We have been denied for food stamps so we have to be careful about what we buy and how much we are willing to spend on things.  Les will begin working one weekend a month starting the 11th of March (we had already planned to have the girls' birthday party the 17th which just so happens to be the first weekend he "gets" to work).  While highly enjoyable we also have the stress of three birthdays in March.  We are trying very hard not to let the girls know just how stressed out we are.  That along with not letting them know we are financially unsure how we are going to afford even one party for them.  After all, I'm about to have a little boy that I have maybe a handful of clothing for.  I have this desire deep inside to make sure things are all taken care of for him before he comes.  However, I feel that I will fail since we really don't have the money to get all that he will need.  Worse case: I dress him in all the girl clothes I have.  I know, he will not care, for now.  When he looks back at pictures of himself as a baby I am certain he is not going to be happy I dressed him in pink.  But hey at least he will be protected from the cold right?  Somehow this does not make me feel better.  Strange how that works isn't it?  I finally got Les to buckle down and buy a carseat so we will at least be able to bring him home.  In the move I got rid of the other one we had so that we wouldn't have to pay for it to be moved too.  Little did either of us realize how expensive things were out here.

Now just so you understand I'm not looking for anyone to solve my problems.  Like I said before I am just getting things off my chest.  That simply means that I am telling my story and letting out my feelings so that I feel better.  I do feel a bit better already.  Still stressed.  Still a little worried about the future.  We still know that Heavenly Father led us here and that he will continue to lead us.  Not the easiest thing path to take but always worth it in the end.  That is what I hang on to.  That is what has and will get me through every single day.

Stress and Frustration

I'm not sure how to do this post. The cause of the stress and frustration is something that I'm not allowed to talk too much about. In a nutshell, our niece Khole (pronouned Chloe) was taken into state custody last July. We found out about it in August. Since then we have been fighting to have her in our home rather than in foster care. Last week we had a permenancy hearing. Reunification services have been terminated but we still don't have Khole with us. The Judge wants professionals to evaluate her to find out if she has certain issues. If she has them bad enough she may stay right where she is. That wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. The foster mom has assured us they want to adopt her and would seal her to them in the Temple. If she can't be with us then at least she would be able to be a part of an eternal family.
That is only part of the stress and frustrations. In case we get to have her in our home we are trying to visit with her as much as possible. We have to do a transition where she spends more time with us and even start doing overnighters. We do this to get her used to us and the way we do things. We are trying to get as much of this transition stuff done now so that when we go to court and they say we can take her home we can actually take her home then. In other words we don't want this to the drag out any longer than nescessary. It will only hurt her, us, and the foster family.
So for the next month we will be on the move. I also have have a birthday to plan for two beautiful girls, a family gathering, another birthday to go to, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. I pray everything goes well.

August 2009

Continuation of catching up on blogging part 3. Again I will try my best to remember everyone and everything that happened in here.

Bryan came and stayed with us again to do a week of runs with the Ogden Paramedics. He cooked one night for us. He is a great cook! He will be back off and on until he gets 300 hours (I think) in on these runs. Most of them will be in Ogden but he will do at least one week here in Logan.

My grandmother has been hospitalized several times for a blockage in her bowels. At one point it was decided that the hospital wasn't making her better. She was just being maintained. So my uncle took her home with him. She can't live alone anymore due to her need to have someone watching over her at all times. She has been put on a liquid diet and has to have oxygen. From time to time she gets really confused. When they turn up her O2 she seems to get better. I can tell my mom is so worried about her. The week before school started Les had finished up work so we headed to Myton. I visited with her as much as I could. I took in framed pictures of our family. Les' mom had made a really cute vase from plastic canvas. We bought some flowers (fake so they would last) to put in it and took it too Grandma. Oh we also learned that she has the beginnings of CHF (congestive heart failure). Because of which she has been put on hospice. I cried when I found out. People are put on hospice when it is certain that they are going to die. It may not be soon but it will be sooner than we will be ready for. So we will try to use what time we do have to be as prepared as we can.

On to happier topics.

Ok so it may not be a "happier" topic but school started again. Les was already stressed out on the first day. Not a good sign.

We got a new church calling. We were put on the ward activities commitee. We helped out with the ward swim party. (It is October so I will add that we no longer have that calling and I will explain that in another post.)

Thanksgiving Activities

I know that it has been more than a week since Thanksgiving and I am now just getting to a post about it. It's not that I am slow but that things are starting to slow down around here. So here is what happened . . . . .

Wednesday we headed out for Salt Lake. When we got there Sabrina (Les' sis) told us that they were at the zoo because it was free admission day. Just a plug, Hogo Zoo is doing free admission for everyone on the last Wednesday of every month until Feburary. It was too good a deal to pass up. We had been wanting to take Emma to see the animals for months and of course Les can't pass up anything free. Here are some of the pics.

Emma loved the swans and ducks!

The sign behind Les has a monkey on it. Since it was the day before Thanksgiving I had to take a picture of the turkeys.

The wolf and cheetah!

Emma didn't want to leave this statue behind!

Giraffes and penguins

Bears and boars

Cougars and elephants

Les and Emma with the elephant statue. I had to include the one with me to prove through a picture that I was really there.

From there we went to Sabrina's house to find an almond in some pudding. Les' grandma used to do this with her grandkids all the time. This year she wanted to renew the tradition. Guess who found the almond . . . . I did! Misleading I know. It was in Emma's pudding. I found it cause I was feeding it to her.

Emma got a candle and a gift certificate to WalMart for getting the almond in her cup of pudding. Les' nieces, Madison and Kaydence, and his Grandma Cheney.

Les' aunt Tammy and Sabrina. Emma with Zander? (Xander maybe) I'll have to ask how it should be spelled.

From Sabrina's we rushed out to Myton. I got the feeling from some of the people I talked to about our plans that they didn't understand why we were in a hurry to get there. Here are the reasons: 1- School Burn Out 2- To get away from our regular, overwhelming routine/lives 3- I don't enjoy a lot of traveling while I am pregnant (go figure) and 4- I hate traveling on a holiday. Not for normal reasons. I hate it because to me a holiday is for relaxing, eating, and sharing stories not for travel and other undue stress. Holidays are stressful enough with out adding other unnecessary things.

That night we precooked part of our potluck dish. That way all we had to do on Thanksgiving is throw it all together and put it in the oven for a little while. Between that and getting set up in our room for the weekend we didn't get to bed until midnight. Morning came all too soon.

This post it pretty long and I have a ton more pictures so I will save Thanksgiving Day for its own post. On Friday I watched my nephews while my sister Carolyn braved the throngs on shoppers for the Black Friday sales. That night for the first time all of my siblings, their spouses, and my parents were all in the temple together. It was amazing! It is something I hope we will all be able to do again and again. Saturday night we had game night at Jen's house. Kind of. For the most part the guys and the kids watched a movie in the familyroom while my sisters, my oldest nieces, and I played games and snacked in the diningroom. Les and I were going to see Twlight that night but we were having so much fun that 10 minutes before it was to start we realized what time it was and decided to skip it and go another night (I am still waiting for it).

It was a great weekend even though Les and I spent the majority of it doing homework and/or job related work.

Yes, we have moved!

Goodbye old house . . . . .

Hello new house!

It has been a whirlwind week. On Monday Les called the Springs to see if the house was cleared for moving in. It was! At 3 that afternoon we went in and signed the lease. Then we got to go over and look inside. I know that all the houses here are the same, but there are a few differences between ours and Daniel and Jana's.

So here is where the story goes one of two ways. My plan (that I thought that Les agreed with) was to finish packing that week between classes and take all the small stuff to the new place. Then on Saturday when we knew we could get help we would rent a moving truck and move what was left. I think it was a well thought out plan considering I had a few projects due that still needed to be finished. Instead of that Les did his plan (no he did not talk to me about this until Monday night). He called up friends and people in the ward to see who could help us move on Tuesday. My stress level went through the roof.

On Tuesday morning as I was walking to class I felt all that stress baring down on me. I had to fight so hard not to cry. I didn't last long in class before I called Les and told him I was coming home to help. Long story made short . . . We didn't get a truck until 2 pm and had Daniel, Jana, and Jeff (a friend from SL) to help us. By 7 two guys from the ward showed up to help load the second load. We didn't get the truck unloaded until after 10.

On Wednesday I went to my one class of the day and then spent the rest of it cleaning and packing up my kitchen. Somehow Les forgot about it and it didn't get loaded onto the truck the night before. Once again we didn't finish until late (around 11).

You would think it would be a relief to be in and have the move behind us. No it isn't. Trying to find things and get everything put away has been a nightmare. Things were just thrown into totes and moved. I can't tell what I will find in a tote just by opening it. I have to dig and re-sort everything because things that are alike were not packed together. I do not recommend moving for anyone. If you do just sell everything and start out fresh (and new) at your new home.

Oh and the cluster mail box that will hold our mail is still on its side somewhere in the neighborhood. So for the next two weeks (hopefully only that) our mail is on hold.

One more thing . . . . . Les I am sorry for all the disagreeing and crying I have done over the last week BUT I still think it would have been better for us to wait. Yes that's right I was right!

Busy Weekend

So this weekend as it says above was really busy. But all the stress started a few weeks ago. Of course there is the normal and expected stress that comes at the end of a semester with finals. Then we found out that Daniel and Jana's application to move into the Springs housing division was accepted. Their moving date? Right after graduation. On top of that Mom and Dad told me they were going to stay with us while they were here. For a normal person that would be fine but between babysitting, helping with the actual packing, and dealing with Les' stress over finals I had to find time to do some deep cleaning in my own home. I am one of those people who use the excuse that people are coming to stay as motivation to get as many things as clean as I can. It is during those times that Les actually helps me keep things clean. Don't get me wrong I truly love having my parents here. I just felt that I was never going to get things done at home that I wanted to get done. Things worked out very well in the end. So I got to have Tyler and Kailey come to my house from Noon to two for several days while their mom packed. I loved having them over. The actual cause of my stress . . . you guessed it. It was Emma. She has taken this possessiveness to a whole new level of horrible. As soon as she saw them come threw the door she knew why they were there and began to throw her fits. It was nice when Les would come home to help. He would take on Emma while I entertained the other two.

Then with family here and most of Jana's stuff split between the new and old houses we split up the meal duties. Jana did the meal after graduation and lunch on Monday. I did breakfast on Saturday and Monday,and dinner on Sunday. The best part about that was that there were so many volunteers to help clean up as well as do some of the cooking. It was really nice. Thanks mom and dad for all the help you gave while you were here.

Here are some pictures that I took after dinner on Sunday. It was too nice outside to stay inside. That and Mom had a terrible headache so I took Tyler out so she could get some sleep.

I was able to even catch a wrestling match between Grandpa (my dad) and Tyler.