November 7, 2011

2011 Gratitude #7

So this is it for today.  I'll be all caught up with this post.  My seventh gratitude is my computer.  I know I am repeating a few of these from last year but with the change in our circumstances I am more grateful for these things than ever.  Being able to communicate in the various forms helps me feel connected to to a life that almost feels has ended.  I don't feel completely whole.  I feel as though I have left a big chunk of me in Utah.  I am trying to put all of myself together but it isn't easy.  I am hoping that as I feel more connected with the people I love back there that my whole self will be able to come back together as one.  I feel that as long as I am longing to be there to be apart of everything I will not be moving forward and creating a fulfilling life here.  I know that is my problem but I am hoping that those of you out there will have pitty on me and still want to remain in contact. 
So back to the computer.  It is the means by which I do most of my communication.  Also it is a big factor in my entertainment.  I can get onto the internet and find everything from shows to watch to new ideas on how to teach my children.  I think I go postively crazy if I didn't have my computer to keep me busy.  By the way that would be a bad thing if I weren't also using it to keep my kids busy.  In fact, Emma was quite hurt to be taken out of school to come here.  What has helped her through is being able to get on my computer to do "home school".  Mostly she just wants to play games.  Unfortunately, most games that would actually teach her something school like require a membership that I don't have the money to buy.  Thankfully, my mother helped me out.  As a school teacher she knows a few places to go to that combine games and learning.  Tomorrow's gratitude will about about a website that my mom introduced to me. 
My computer is my life line to what feels like the real world.  I know my life is real but once again hanging in limbo isn't really living.  It is meerly surviving.  I am so very grateful to my computer.

1 comment:

Natalie said...

I'm sorry you're missing Utah and the people there. It does get better as you meet people and create close relationships but it does take time. We've been gone for 4 1/2 years now and Utah is still feels like home but we've also created a life out here on the east coast for ourselves. I think it has made us stronger as a family, a couple, and an individual. Good luck! You can do this!